Stages of The Morning After

My mouth is dry AF and it  hurts to blink. 

Hangover, we meet again... 

1. Realising where the hell you are

Am I in a bed? Nope. 

Okay, so I'm on a sofa apparently (sure)... do I recognise this living room? That's another no.

Do I remember completely stripping off/where I left any of my clothes? 

Absolutely not.


2. Checking your phone

After flopping around like a fish out of water for a solid 10 minutes trying to find the friggin' thing, you're reunited. Time to turn the brightness ALLLLL the way down and see the damage... 

Starts off pretty decent... just a few snaps from pre-drinks, nothing too serious. We're okay, we're okay... oh, and one of you asking the taxi man if he's 'been busy tonight?'. Well funny, you.

But then it just gets plain tragic. Nobody needs to see you in front-camera mode inhaling some cheesy chips. You absolute savage.

Delete it all. Throw your phone into a lake. Start a new life in China. FORGET EVERYTHING.


3. Trying to get out of bed

I'm SO comfortable, but I've got a mouth like Ghandi's flip flop. Gaaaaaaaah. Is this what Kelly and Nelly were singing about in Dilemma? Wouldn't be surprised tbh. 

It's too much. I'm turning into a raisin. I need water. Now. 

What is co-ordination? I think I used to have it, but my arms and legs completely disagree. 


4. First attempt at food

You've spotted a pizza box across the room. I mean, you've got no respect for yourself at this point anyway. 

Time to go face-first into a room temperature margherita.   


5. Flashbacks

So by lunch time you're starting to feel sliiiiiightly more human. You've got some water and some carbs down you. Things are gonna be okay, guys.

Then it starts coming back to you. Where has this MASSIVE bruise from? Oh, I know... from when I absolutely decked it down the stairs and poured my vodka Red Bull down my boobs. Brilliant. 


6. Financial damage 

Time to take a deep breath, and open up your purse. 

Okay, so we have about twenty receipts. Strong start. 

FIFTEEN Jaegerbombs??? I didn't even realise I had fifteen friends... So that's a nutritious diet of Boots meal deals for the next 4 weeks. I love myself.  

Image source: giphy